For the past few days, Luke has been hounding me to take him to the Bookstore to play trains. They have a Thomas and Friends train table and many trains to choose from. The last time we went there, Luke ran through the stacks screaming when it was time to leave. I was not amused. But I thought that if I tell him what kind of behavior I expect, this might help, as it has in the past. Boy was I wrong. When it was time to go he threw the biggest fit thus far. I have never been so embarrassed in all my adult life. I had Gavin in my arms (all 30lbs of him) and Luke pulling with all his might on my hand, refusing to walk. I seriously thought he was going to dislocate his arm from his shoulder he was pulling so hard. A nice woman came over and offered to hold Gavin while I got Luke under control. Thank you God, you sent me an angel! I took her up on her offer, Managed to get Luke to stop pulling scooped him up in the arms, Gavin in the other one, and walked out with Luke screaming. He broke lose in the parking lot, and I had to put him down, he tried to take off running and I grabbed him by the arm and Gavin too before they ran into traffic.
I've never been so angry with Luke's behavior. For punishment, he was allowed no TV for the rest of the day. But lets face it, that is just as much a punishment for me as it is for him. If anyone has any suggestions on how to reel in this behavior, I'm all ears. I always give him a warning when it is almost time to go. I talk about what I expect from him before we go somewhere. None of it works anymore. Is it that he is 3 and this comes with the territory?
Grrrr.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
We have similar problems, but they are getting better. I still take the stroller in and allow Cameron to walk around the kids area but when it is time to go he sits in the stroller. If he is being good I will allow him to ride with no buckles, but if he cannot leave when he is asked (I give time warnings and the final warning is usually "one more time around the track and then we are getting in the stroller to leave") then I buckle him in. Lately he has been pretty good at avoiding the buckles.
That's not to say that B & N is a piece of cake - he still always wants a train another kid is playing with and, as soon as I turn to help Daniela with a book, he makes a break for the exit and I have to put him in time out (which should not be done near a book shelf with lots books to pull out!).
I guess you just have to find the consequence/reward that motivates Luke & Gavin. When Daniela was younger, if she left patiently we went to the cafe to get a cookie. We don't do that much now, but it did work then. Perhaps a treat in the car or at home? Right now both kids are so into Team UmiZoomi that if I promise they can watch when we get home, they will do anything!
Hang in there. I know that someday we will be able to take the whole family to B & N to sit in the comfy chairs & read... a girl can dream, right?
I find it best to just stay home these days. The last trip to BN cost me $30 in stuffed animals as Scarlett graciously removed all the tags and I just couldn't put them back on the shelf with the stuffing hanging out.
I have learned my lessons the hard way. And as much as I get cabin fever, it is just no fun anymore. I took Hunter by himself to the supermarket and it was a nightmare.
So when in doubt, I would rather pay a sitter and go myself.
I don't have any tips. But I have been there. When I was pregnant with Hunter, Brett was 3 1/2 and as we were leaving a restaurant, he bolted out into the parking lot and I couldn't catch him. Thankfully it wasn't during the rush hour.
I think you are better off to go to someone's house where the doors are locked and there are multiple toys. At least you may get to sit and socialize without worry.
OH MY GOSH. I am having the same problems with Finn. Mostly with not listening. I've been weekly relaying my "embarrassment" to Wes. It has been awful to leave places with Finn. There is a lot of arm pulling. The stroller is the only way I can really get him out (buckled in and still screaming). Lately I have been trying a few new things that work a good deal of the time. The only thing that helps is to have another destination that we have agreed to visit. I kind of "wind it down." So Travel Town (old train yard for kids) ends with a ride on the train ONLY if he agrees to sit and have a quiet lunch on the picnic tables first, and ONLY if he agrees to go out to the car after, without tears. Then I give him the option to either run next to me, or ride unbuckled in the stroller to the car. Then I act excited to leave with him, and remind him what a good boy he was while we were there. Then I promise that we aren't driving directly home, but maybe driving past the Equestrian center, or past the house that looks like a castle. "Hey! I have a fun idea! Do you want to see the horses today or the Castle? You pick!!") I make it sound like it's his choice. So that way at least he isn't having a tantrum as we are leaving our original destination. He still usually throws a fit getting out of the car to come into the house. But at least I am getting a handle on a quiet exit. And when all else fails, I bribe (but not if he's hysterical...I introduce it before he has a chance to have a bad moment). I offer a small treat for a happy exit (colored mini marshmallows, a little lollipop, animal crackers, or if he has an exceptionally good day I will treat him to lunch at Wendy's). Another thing that avoids a tantrum when I am at a loss as to getting him to leave is to just start leaving and say goodbye. It freaks Finn out enough that he will yell for me to wait, and then he runs after me. But that might not work for every kiddo. Time Outs never work for Finn in any situation. But telling him I'll throw away every toy he doesn't pick up (for example), gets him in gear to pick up his toys! So it depends on the situation, and what Luke will respond to in terms of discipline. Finn also saw another Mommy discipline her son at her own house (stand at the end of the hallway, then give a sorry hug). Finn really latched on to that sorry hug, and asked not to have to stand at the end of the hallway. Ha! I am keeping the hallway punishment for a reallllly bad day. But we now have instituted sorry hugs. He asks for them when he is ready to say sorry, or wants me to say it to him (which he never expressed well before). It helps me gauge his emotions. Let me know if you find any tricks that start working better for you!
Have you read the book, "1,2, 3 Magic?"
While I never had quite this much trouble with Bennett, he is a big kid and quite stubbor. I found the book quite helpful. Essentially you set up behavioral expectations (usually 1 or 2) and serious consequences (loosing privledges, toys, future trips). The key is consistancy and the surity of serious consequences.
I tossed out Legos maybe twice before Bennett got the message that I was serious. I have a couple of Shea's ponies as well. But when we are struggling, the 1, 2, 3 still will work now.
I feel for you.
When J started acting out I started doing two things. Expectations before we get there (your doing that) and then before we are going to leave I get down at her level, make sure we have eye contact and give her a 5 minute warning and once again remind her of what she agreed to on the way. I then continue to give her updates on how much longer and a minute or two before we leave I have her start cleaning up or saying good bye. I try and get down on her level as much as I can so I can make sure she understands me and is not just ignoring me.
I also use time outs. I used the method I saw on Supernanny. She has a time out chair and if she does something she gets placed in time out for 3 minutes since she is 3. If she gets up the clock starts again. During this time I stand where I can see her and the clock. At the end I get down on her level and ask her why she was put in time out. If she can tell me, we talk about it or I explain why I put her in time out. I expect her to apologize, if I yelled I will also apologize and then we give hugs and forgive. It has gotten to the point where if she is really upset she'll take a time out and then come and apologize. In other words it gets better as they get older.
I keep thinking about you. What time is a good time to call? I'm in bed most nights by 8:30 since this little one is sucking my energy. Chat with you soon.
Post a Comment